Childhood Trauma
An Example of Choices
Think of yourself as your child: You are out for a bike ride around the block before dinner. The air is crisp and feels good flowing into your lungs. You become distracted by the shapes your breath makes, and you don’t notice a hole in your path.
The bike wheel gets stuck and sends you over the handle bars. Luckily, you only sustain a cut on your knee. You walk slowly home wincing with each step.
It’s decision time: adhere a bandage to the wound and hope it gets better or go through the pain of cleaning the wound out first.
Putting a bandage on it seems the easiest and takes so little time. You decide this option will get you back to playing the quickest. Things go okay at first.
Soon you notice your cut hurts more than it did before; you ignore it and hope it goes away.
You eventually take off the bandage, because the pain is too much. It has become swollen and turned a mixture of colors. Your parent takes you to the doctor thinking it may be infected where the doctor scrubs out the wound even though tears are streaming down your face.
Rewind to the beginning of this story, back to the two options.
You decide the pain of scrubbing out the dirt and rocks is worth the outcome and decide to clean the wound. It stings, it hurts, you start to tear up, but then the initial hurt is over. You apply the bandage, and you notice the wound less and less until it doesn’t bother you.
The wound heals, and you go about your life.
Clean out that wound!
The decision to start therapy is similar to the above story.
You can ignore your child’s struggles and hope they go away. As in the case of the wound, it will likely get progressively worse. OR you can help your child endure the initial discomfort therapy may bring allowing healing to begin.
Life becomes easier and easier for you, your children, and loved ones. There may be a scar, a reminder. Think of it as a battle scar; a sign of strength, struggle, courage, and the distance traveled.
How do we handle trauma?
People respond differently to frightening or dangerous experiences. After such an experience/s, children’s behavior, mood, and functioning may change.
As a parent, you may experience your own difficulties resulting from your child’s struggling. You may start to feel as if your ability to effectively parent or engage in your daily life is slowly disappearing. These are all signs that it is time to get professional help.
One child’s journey
I worked with a child who had severe and complex trauma and had never disclosed the whole story. His mom and step dad knew whatever he had gone through was not healthy or safe and wanted to get him help. He was 10 years old.
His mom and step dad were very concerned for his safety.
On a regular basis he ran from school. He would destroy classrooms and threaten teachers with bodily harm. At home things were really taking a toll on his family. With knives in his hands he would run from room to room and even stabbed a few doors in the process. And the most petrifying part for any parent was his threatening and attempts at taking his own life.
At the time when I worked with him and his family he was in residential treatment and mom was expecting a baby. Meaning he had added stressors on top of the scary things he had endured.
This child worked diligently in sessions one to two times a week.
He learned all about trauma and how it affects people, more specifically children. He began to understand relaxation and how to use it without being told. When it came to anger and depressed feelings he was slowly able to use his resources on his own and with the help other trusted adults. Emotions were not mysterious to him any longer and he, like a magician was able to recognize negative thoughts and transform them into positive ones.
Several months he wrote his story, not only the one of his scary experiences but of who he was, good memories he had, and what he had learned so far.
Together we would read through his story and add more and more to it. He would be asked to read and re-read it out loud.
His parents came in alone often or for parts of sessions to gain understanding of trauma and how to parents a child who has experienced it. To address their negative thoughts and feelings, allow them to ask questions, and allow a safe space to read their son’s story without him present.
After, he shared it out loud to chosen trusted adults. In his case he asked his mom, step dad, and a staff person he had grown to trust to be a part of this big step. As he read it there was some visible nerves, yet a new confidence.
With safety in mind he burned his story. Watching as the pages began to disappear his body settled and his face revealed peace.
Planning for future safety and possible need for therapy were discussed and planned for.
The path of working through instead of avoiding was not without struggle, resistance, or discomfort on the part of the child or his family. However, this young man no longer makes dangerous decisions. He is able to talk through things that are bothering him with adults he trusts. In school he is able to make friends and learn in a calm and safe environment.
Instead of a victim he became a survivor.
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
The above story outlines the steps of TF-CBT. As stated before no two situations are the same and not all experiences are this extreme but can still effectively be treated with TF-CBT. Through TF-CBT children and their families have been able to process traumatic events and regain their lives.
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a relatively short-term proven method of helping children ages 5-18 who have experienced traumatic events. It addresses symptoms of trauma through teaching skills and strategies for both children and caregivers.
TF-CBT is a component-based treatment to help children and their families manage stress; increase the child’s ability to talk about the event or events in a less anxiety-provoking way; decreases behavioral concerns; increases feelings of happiness, trust, and confidence while supporting the caregivers and family system.